The Way I See It
by Falcon226
Summary: Oneshot. I can nearly feel her, but she's just out of reach because of these barriers.


A/N Somewhat inspired by all of the crazy grad parties I've been going to, but not the circumstances.

* * *

I can only get away with it because it's so casual. Andre and Beck do it easily and make a big show out of it for the sake of their girlfriends. Tori cheers them on, laughing the whole time. It looks like Jade is either turned on, amused, or furious. I can't really tell. It's difficult for me to tell how others are feeling by their expressions.

"Tori!" Andre says, breaking away now. "You do Jade!"

Everyone laughs as Jade noticeably shifts away from Tori.

In a moment of utter daring or absolute stupidity, I lean over to Jade myself and press my lips on hers. I can see her eyes widen in an almost comic fashion. She doesn't pull away, though, and I take this as a sign to press further.

"Whoa," I can hear Robbie (or Rex. I can't tell) say as I move to straddle her. Lips still connected, I push her shoulders down so that she's full-back on the floor.

She's still not doing anything under me further than, well, not pushing me away. I pull up and smile down at her.

It takes her a moment before she can react. "What. The. Hell." The tone, for all of the obvious breaks in rhythm, is still ambiguous to me. She could be mad or confused. I can tell that she's not overjoyed, but at least she doesn't sound like she wants to kill me. Yet.

"I felt left out," I mumble, still on top of Jade.

She doesn't push me off of her, but she does roll her head in the direction where nobody is sitting. I get off myself, moving to the couch to sit awkwardly next to Trina.

Tori's sister seems to find all of this extremely entertaining. She's laughing at all of the right moments, but not contributing more than freaking out Andre's grandmother and eating a lot of food. I feel kind of bad for the old woman, having to deal with Trina being all yelly and scary when she wants something.

I guess I'm becoming a bit like Trina now, not really participating in this pre-Spring Break party. They all look like they're having so much fun together. Even Jade looks less melancholy than usual. I'd like to think it's my doing, but that's just over-idealistic wishing. Every now and then, I make a comment that nobody really pays attention to.

After half an hour or so, everyone goes into the kitchen to eat food. I _love_ food, but I just can't feel hungry right now. Trina has even abandoned me on the couch. I hug my legs to my chest and stare blankly at a truly hideous painting on the wall.

"Cat?"

The voice startles me enough to make me fall off the couch. I look up to see Jade standing over me. She rolls her eyes and reaches an arm down. I take her arm, quite surprised at the gesture.

"Thanks," I say, reclaiming my seat on the couch.

Looking a tad uncomfortable, Jade sits down on my left. "You're not happy." This is a fact.

"Yes." I hug my legs to myself again, not quite feeling so secure in this situation.

"Oh, come on! Look at me!" she says impatiently, knocking a hand against my knee. "I'm not good at this talking thing! I'm trying to be _nice_ so could you tell me what's wrong before I decide I don't actually care?"

Her irritated gesture of contact with my knee hurt a lot more than I expected. I look towards her with a pout. "You don't like me."

"No... Well, I don't hate you," she admits. "I hate a lot of people. Sinjin, Trina, Robbie... You, I don't quite hate."

I guess that's nice, coming from her. But I'm so confused why I like her; I can't understand why I like her more than usually liking someone. "But you don't _like_ like me."

She groans. I can tell she's restraining herself from being too snappy, but she doesn't sound so sweet as she says, "Cat, you sound like a newly-pubescent seventh grader. It really doesn't matter whether I have those sorts of feelings for you right now because I'm with Beck."

This answer is extremely dissatisfying. "Couldn't you just-" She shakes her head. "I could love-" Her head shakes even more furiously, but an odd blush is crossing her pale cheeks. "Please?"

Jaw clenched, she stands up stiffly. "Just fucking forget it." It seems she deliberately refuses to look at me as she heads into the the kitchen to join the rest of the gang.

I sigh, still not feeling hungry enough to bear looking at Jade happy with Beck longer than I must. Resting my head painfully on my left knee, I wonder if she really would give me a chance if Beck wasn't in the picture. Really, she all but told me (without words) that it could be. If my lips and hers were together again without distractions, I know she would see it more clearly.

I know that I told (and _showed_) Robbie once that a kiss doesn't mean anything.

I never thought I'd be seeing it all from his point of view.


End file.
